Generosity: A Path to Freedom – Part 1: The Material Gifts – By DHN.
The Buddha taught his disciples about the six ways to attain liberation, namely the 6 paramitas (translated as “the 6 perfections”, or “the 6 ways to transcend to the other shore”). One of these six ways is generosity. From the Buddha time until now, generosity is widely practiced among Buddhist monastic and lay practitioners all over the world. The Buddha taught that there three ways of practicing generosity: materially, spiritually, and emotionally.
The first generosity is the practice of offering material gifts. It is a kind of gift that most people usually offer to their friends or loved ones, on special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, or other events, or to people in poverty or in distress. These can be gifts of clothing, medicines, food, lodging, or money. In this pandemic, these gifts are essentials for many people, especially in time of need. But how to offer this gift so it yields more benefits? The best we can do is to offer from our heart with a pure mind. We give without any intentions, even the intentions of helping others. Why? Because in the Buddhist circle, it’s necessary to see in the light of non-self, or inter-being. We see that the giver, the object of giving, and the person who receives the gift are empty; all are empty of a separate self. We no longer see ourselves as a giver, and the other person who receive, and the gift as separate identities.
In the post-Vietnam War, many Vietnamese fall into poverty. Many people were without food and medicines. My family was one of the lucky ones that were able to receive medicinal packages sent from abroad since my uncle and his family were able to escape Vietnam prior to the war and settled in America. My mother began her crusade of helping our neighbors with medicines. Since many people could not afford to pay for doctor visits or medicines, my mother would go visit them, ask about their illness, and give them the right kind of Western medicine. Somehow, she had learned about the different ailments and how to cure them. Thus, she handed out these medicines without any intention, just with her caring heart. Later on, when my family was able to be sponsored to go to the US, my siblings and I work hard to earn our degrees. Two brothers of mine were able to get their medical degrees and become doctors. Reflecting back, I think that was because of my mother’s good merits of helping people to heal that gave my brothers the chance to become doctors.
Therefore, when we are able to give with sincerity, compassion, and understanding, then our gifts are more beneficial. I remembered the time I became a monastic, I had in my possessions some jewelry items giving to me by my mother. It was a set of seven 14 K gold bracelets. My mother gave this to me on my 16th birthday. When one becomes monastic, one has to give up all his or her material possession (including money), so that one can be free of burden and greed. I decided to give this set of bracelets to one of the girls I tutored in the Buddhist temple where I joined, whose family just arrived in the States and didn’t have much money. My thought was she can use the money to support herself and her family. Furthermore, when we give, we have to understand the person’s true needs. I remember going on a pilgrimage trip in India, and our delegation was advised not to give money to the beggars there, but instead give it the trusted foundation. I didn’t understand the suggestion at the time, but later I learned that was because some adults can manipulate women and children to beg for them, and take away that money for themselves. It was a new experience for me. Despite this, I sometimes still give away small changes to the homeless people I meet in public places, for I want to water the seed of trust in the other person. Other times, when I have a chance, I would buy a wrapped sandwich and hand it to him or her.
In addition, the Buddha also suggested that we offer a gift to someone who resents us. His reason here is that if we offer love to the person who dislikes us, then it would transform their resentment towards us. Because love is the antidote to hate and fear. The other person might not like us for the perception of who we are; it is because he or she has not had a chance to know us. I know this is extremely difficult to think like this. I have tried this method in my earlier monastic life, sometimes it worked, but most often, it didn’t work well. I realized after many failing attempts that I have to truly reconcile with the other person first before I can offer him or her a gift, otherwise, that person might doubt my action, or think that I’m out of my mind. So, sincerity plays an important role in offering material gifts as well. How many times have we refused a gift that is not offered with sincerity? I certainly can recall many times. Even if I really like the object being given by the other person, but if he or she said something that sounds like a judgment or put down when giving the gift, then I’d rather walk away than receiving it. We all have pride in ourselves. Thus, be mindful when you offer someone a present. In my monastic training, I was taught that every time gives something to others, I need to do it with reverence, even if it’s something small and unimportant. I truly dislike people who gave things to me and just throw them on the floor or across the table, unless they are close friends who were just teasing and being playful.
When you have some quiet time to yourself, try to reflect on the ways you have offer gifts to others, and how successful you are in making the other happy. When you can pay attention to how you give and how the other person reacts, you can see your way of giving can bring greater joy to others. And when you’re able to see the inter-being relationship between you and the person who received the gift, you can connect to the other person better and understand what they need so that your gift can be more beneficial. I remember the lyric of a childhood song Magic Penny: “Love is something if you give it away. Give it away, give it away. Love is something if you gave it away, you end up having more” (Magic Penny by Malvina Reynolds). Indeed, the more we give with love, sincerity, and awareness, we’ll end up with more love, more understanding, and more freedom.
DHN
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