Generosity: A Path to Freedom- Part 3: the Gift of Non-Fear by DHN
The third gift of generosity is the gift of non-fear or the gift of protection. This is considered the noblest and the rarest gift. This gift is cultivated and offered by people who are able to face their own fear and find ways to overcome it.
We are all born with some kind of fear, starting from our childhood. As a baby, we have the fear of being hungry, abandon, and not able to survive on our own. We depend on our mother, father, or guardian to feed us, bathe us, carry us and help us with the daily tasks. As we grow older, we start to have other kinds of fear. Fear of loneliness, fear of not fitting in, fear of being judged, fear of not being able to succeed or accomplish a certain goal, fear of being sick, fear of dying, etc. Today, in the time of the pandemic, people encounter many more kinds of fear: fear of being isolated fear of getting COVID, fear of unemployment, fear of discrimination, etc.
In order to transform our fear, we have to face it head-on and not trying to avoid it. The energy of mindfulness can help us to be present with ourselves so that we can see our fear more clearly. Once we are in touch with it, we have a chance to calm it down, look deeply at its roots and transform it. These are some helpful steps for us to deal with the fear:
1. Breathe mindfully and invite the fear to come up:
“Hello, my fear (you can name your fear).”
2. Acknowledge and calm the fear:
“I know that you’re there and I’m here for you.”
4. Look deeply into it with understanding:
“Dear fear, let me understand you better. Please tell me about you.”
5. Transform the fear with compassion:
“Dear fear, I know you’re from my past. But now I’m a grown-up and I’m no longer afraid of you. I’ll take care of you.”
When you’re able to face the fear and acknowledge it, it can already calm itself down. It’s like holding the crying baby in your arms. The baby will stop crying and begin to calm down. Once it’s calmed, you can look deeply to see your fear and understand it better. Just like when the mother holds her baby tenderly, she will start to understand why the baby cried. Perhaps the baby is hungry, thirsty, or needs to change its diaper. When compassion and understanding are present, we can better handle our fear, without wanting to run away from it. There’s a tendency in many of us to run away from something we dislike or are fearful of. Most of the time, people tend to get away from their troubles by involving in drugs, alcohol, or entertainment. However, the more people try to drown their troubles, the stronger it will try to surface and haunt our daily life, if not in the daytime, then in our nightmares. So, it’s best to find ways to deal with our fear. Gradually, day by day, the fear will have a chance to lose its strength and transform into something more wholesome.
When I was a child growing up in Vietnam, I went to Vung Tau Beach near Ho Chi Minh City in the summer break with my family. At that time, I didn’t know how to swim yet. My elder brother is a proficient swimmer. Thus, my mother entrusts me to go swimming with him, with a ring buoy around my waist. After swimming for a short while near the shore, we adventure further out. At one point, I lost control of my ring buoy and it flipped out of reach. Luckily, my brother was swimming nearby so he was able to rescue me ashore. But after that incident, I’m quite afraid of swimming in the deep end, even long after I’ve learned how to swim. So, whenever I found myself swimming toward the deep end and old fear arises, I have to remind myself to relax and take a deep breath to keep swimming forward. I remind myself, “Hey, you’re not the little girl who doesn’t know how to swim. You’re an adult and can swim well. You can do this.” This mental reminder helps me to be calmer and more confident about swimming in the deep water. Eventually, I’m able to enjoy swimming much more without being fearful. I also use this method to help me deal with other fears I had and to transform them.
When we are able to establish ourselves in the now, not getting caught in the stories of our past, we will feel more at ease, peaceful, and confident. This positive is very precious. It’s much needed in the world today amidst the ongoing pandemic, discriminations, conflicts, war, and divisions. It helps us to have clarity so that our thinking, actions, and speech can bring more benevolence to the world. Furthermore, we can cultivate this energy when we stop running after our desires. The desires of running after money, fame, sensual pleasures, unmindful consumptions, and addictions. When we can live a simple, mindful life, we can have more time and energy to do things for ourselves and serving others.
It’s not to say that fear is entirely harmful or unhelpful. As humans, we do need a certain amount of fear in order to survive. Our brain is equipped with the amygdala, a part of the limbic system that consisted of an almond-shaped mass of grey matter that helps to formulate basic emotions like fear or anger. It helps us to process whether the perceived threat is real so that we can decide whether to “fight or flight” to protect ourselves, or stay calm knowing that we’re in a safe place. How many of us have had the experience of hiking in the wilderness and jumping back several feet in surprise because we thought something lying across our path resembles a snake; only to laugh at ourselves afterward when we realized it’s only a piece of rope or a piece of the dead branch? When we really face danger, of course, we need to be fearful somewhat so that our bodies can quickly react and protect ourselves. But when we realize that that it is not anything dangerous, then we just need to breathe and relax. We don’t need to be fearful all the time, otherwise, the accumulated amount of fear can cause the amygdala to be overworked and create a lot of stress for our life.
When we are in danger, fear helps us to find immediate ways to protect ourselves or our loved ones from it. Nevertheless, when we are overwhelmed with fear and stress, we can actually do harmful things towards others beings or our environment. On the contrary, if we can be mindful, we can react kindlier. I live in an environment where there are forests with many wild animals. There are lovely animals such as deer, raccoons, skunks, squirrels, rabbits, but there are also bear, vultures, snakes. Recently, during this summer, while entering the kitchen of my monastery, I saw a huge snake slithering across the floor. My first thought was, surprisingly, “what can I do to help it?”, not the thought of killing it. In my mind, I just wanted to get the snake outside. I also wanted to protect myself and other members of my monastery. Thus, I quickly grabbed a huge pot and place it over the snake so that it would stay in one place. Soon after, I got some friends to help take the snake back to the forest. I think that the snake was just trying to find a place inside to cool off, just as we would when the weather is too hot outside. But if we kill it, thinking that its intention is to harm us, then we need to reconsider. All living beings wanted to survive just like us. When we protect others, we will receive protection as well. This protecting act is reciprocal. When we protect our environment, we will be protected. The reason why many wild animals nowadays react aggressively toward the human species is probably because we are doing so much harm to them that they became fearful and just wanted to protect themselves by attacking people.
In fact, when we can see that we and other living beings are interrelated and touch that “inter-being” nature, we can offer compassion and non-fear to others. In Buddhism, it was taught that every phenomenon, everything depends on everything else to exist. Nothing can exist by itself alone. If we harm or kill others, we are actually harming and killing the things that help us to survive. The human-environment relationship is very close-knit and essential. How we interact with our environment can have an effect on our lives and our surroundings. It’s up to us to make a choice, to save our lives and the lives of many living beings. And it all has to do with how we deal with our fear towards others. Amazing, isn’t it?
Overall, when we’re able to face our own fear, calm it and transform it, we will have a vast source of non-fear to offer to those who need it, and offer protection to our environment surrounding us: the people, animals, and plants.
In summary, practicing generosity by offering either material, spiritual or emotional gifts, will help the practitioner to purify and transform his or her mind in a wholesome way, and in turn, also help to transform the mind of the receiver. Generosity helps us to be more open, happier, and wealthier in terms of spirituality. It also helps to alleviate many burdens and suffering in other persons. When people learn to be more generous and compassionate towards one another, their lives become richer and more fulfilled. Practicing generosity, we are walking on the path of freedom, ultimately, it can liberate our mind and ameliorate our life. So, when you have a chance to give, please do it, even if it’s a simple act. This simple benevolent act can have a positive effect on ourselves, our family, our society, and the world.
